Ditzyness

I don't think that there can be anything more frustrating than what I just experienced. Totally and completely engrossed in Season Four of Smallville, I continued to watch the episodes where I had last left off. Events in this disc were confusing me as I had not seen anything leading up to that point prior. Having just finished the last episode on the disc, I saunter out into the kitchen to retrieve the next one. As I am flipping through the little booklet which accompanied the discs, I noticed four episodes totally foreign to me. Yah, I skipped an entire disc and had no idea. That will explain why Lionel is out of prison and Chloe suddenly hints about Clark's powers. I simply attribute this moment of ditzyness to my hair color and the million other things happening in my life.

The Yardstick

"One good yardstick as to whether as person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?"

—Ezra Taft Benson



I sure hope that I am girl, lady, woman, who promotes such actions in a boy, gentleman, man.



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Missionaries

Today was the last day for two years. Two years, 24 months, 730 days, 17,520 hours, 1,051,200 minutes, or 63,072,000 seconds that my parents are gone. My only correspondence with them will consist of letters, emails, and occasional phone calls to keep them in touch with my busy life as a senior in high school. They are leaving to serve the Lord in the New York, New York North, Public Affairs mission as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am so happy for this opportunity they have to serve. This moment is bittersweet though I as I contemplate the family events they will miss and the void that their absence will create in my life. For seven years Dad and Carolyn had traveled from Florida to Arkansas then back to Florida while I tarried in Utah with my mom and a majority of my siblings. When they finally returned to live in Salt Lake I could never had been more excited; I was finally going to have that father-figure in my life that had not been physically there when I was growing up. Now as I have to give them up again to the wonderful people in New York, I feel selfish and want to keep them all to myself, at least until I am graduated and living more on my own. I do not write this in anyway to worry them or any of my family, but I cannot keep these emotions in while I suffer through the drama of high school. Because of their willingness to serve, I know that I also will be blessed as well as my entire family. How wonderful that will be to notice things in my life and be able to attibute them to the mercies of the Lord. So many missionaries leaving ranging from my parents to Jeremy, Jason, Josh, Sean, Cody, Curtis, Andrew, Jon, Spencer, Pettit, Jess and so many more that I cannot even begin to start naming. They all mean the world to me and I am so proud of the choices they have made that have brought them to this spot. I love you all!

Friends

This weekend has been anticipated for several weeks now, and not simply for the opportunity to gorge myself on turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. Even though Thursday was an enjoyable time with family and food, my family of friends were my focus this weekend. Monday and Tuesday killed me as I waited and waited to hear from Jess, Andrew, Squeaks, Jon, Tiffany, Amanda, Erin, Jeremy, Lindsey, Annie....pretty much all of my friends who have ventured off to the not so far away lands of Utah State University and Snow College. Wednesday night rolled around and I did not expect to be doing anything more exciting than watching my favorite Smallville Trio, believing that night would be occupied by family matters. That all changed when Abby called pleading for me to figure something out for that night; 'reluctantly' I called up Jess to see what he wanted to do. Bowling sounded like a great idea so we called up Cody and Amanda and asked if they wanted to join us. Low and behold, we did not end up with four friends at Brasstons Family Bowling, but nineteen! What a great night that was as we laughed, joked and hugged a lot. Not too much happened on Friday night; a few gathered at Kristy D.'s house to simply relax and catch up on each others' lives. Saturday was the biggest day of them all where almost every waking moment was spent in the presence of my buddies. Beginning at nine o'clock in the morning we played an exciting game of football complete with a couple bloody noses, a search line for Erin's lost key, and a car jacked up. Following a thrill filled morning was a thrill filled afternoon as we gathered at Sean's home for the intense rivalry game between Brigham Young University and the University of Utah. Although far outnumbered by the Cougar fans, the Utes had a fair representation as friends (yet foes) sat amongst each other eating chips and owed ice cream while screaming for their favored team. I have never seen so much chaos and frustration as was present at the conclusion of that Holy War. Admittingly, I am saddened by the outcome, but I cannot deny how great the game really was and the talent presented from both teams. Only after a feast of Cafe Rio, a whacked game of "Bump, Set, Spike," followed by several games on variations of pool and 'teaching' others the frustrations of Mao, the night was over. Steady contact with my friends from 9 o'clock in the morning to 11:30 at night makes for the best day in a long time. To top it all off, things just worked with people and my overall situation with one in particular greatly improved leaving me fighting back tears of joy. Thanks everyone for all you do and I love you!! I cannot wait for Christmas to come!

Spinning out of Control

I am going insane even though I know my life is now where as bad as it seems. So many priorities are pulling me in conflicting directions, tearing my mind and heart apart. Just when I feel that things are under control and taken care of, I realize how much I have screwed up. I try to take a step back, analyze my life and figure out what is first on my list, only to have ten more obligations jump out and punch me in the nose. The only problem though is that I, for some odd reason, do not have it in me to let the tears come from my eyes as a result of those punches. When life should be going so smoothly and making the most sense right before I get my Patriarchal Blessing, I have fallen in the most ditches and twisted my ankles on the biggest rocks. School, church, boys, friends, work, music, and time for me are constantly competing with no item coming out on top. They all just lie in a jumbled pile that I try to leave at the door of my room. Where are the tears which I wish would make me feel better, and where can I turn to get a hug from someone who cares? Is anyone out there?

Trios

WARNING: I will be discussing plot of the second season for those who do not want to know!



I had always had a determination to never get truly addicted to a television series. But thanks to the convincing of my friends Sean and Abby, I have fallen to the "dark side." Smallville is an intense show to watch. Every book I read and show I watch always seems to apply to major events happening in my life or in the relative history. My mom and I finished the second season tonight and that relation finally dawned on me. So far there has been the trio of Clark, Lana and Chloe attacking whatever comes their way together. I have had that same trio in my life consisting of Sean, Curtis and myself. And what could summarize the life of a highschool student more than drama....drama, drama, drama! For someone who does not have the largest group of friends, I feel that I have experienced my fair share of drama for the rest of my life (too bad I still have college to go!). Clark has the same problem; two girls fighting for his affection when only one of them can win. Just switch that around and that is the story of my life. Curtis and Sean have been my best friends since the beginning of last year. They were always available for me to talk with for hours after school, or the people that actually called me on the weekends. Now is the time to superimpose Clark's life into my own, just switch genders. It seems that as far back as Curtis and I have really known each other, he has had strong feelings for me. The problem residing in the fact that I didn't feel the same. There is Chloe for you, striving to show Clark her feelings toward him but the is blinded by his overwhelming love for Lana, always taken by Whitney (in my situation is was Josh). It wasn't until Clark decided to give Chloe and him a chance that Lana also began falling for Clark. The moment I tried to make things work with Curtis, only to result in me really knowing how I felt, I began suspecting Sean's feelings (which I had never even considered before). As a result of this confusion, I relied more on the support of Sean to get me through the exhausting conversations and confrontations I had with Curtis, thereby launching Sean and I into a relationship over the summer. Every moment it seemed that I attempted to fix things with Curtis, it simply got worse. Finally it got to the point where he wouldn't call, hang out, or have anything to do with the two of us, making me wonder about my situation with Sean. I could go on and on about the similarities between the Smallville Trio and the Olympus High Trio but I will restrain myself. I feel the main purpose of me writing this down is the frustration I have felt since school started. Sean and I couldn't keep going out, which in turn helped things to be on a better friend basis with Curtis. The only problem though is that we can never go back to the wonderful blissful moments of the three of us sitting by the wall in the morning, eating sausage pizza and pink lemonade at lunch, playing frisbee, then standing by the front doors after school. I have lost my two best friends...and I am scared that I will never get them back like I want and need them back. This isn't to say that I don't have best friends right now that I can go to for anything, but I feel that it will never be the same with anyone like it was with those to guys in my life. They really do mean the world to me, and I hope they realize that.

Music

Who would have ever thought that an arrangement of notes and words can have such a grand impact on our lives. Everywhere we go there are rhythms to bounce along with and lyrics to belt out (whether we can sing well or not). It would be impossible to even attempt living for one week without some form of music entering our ears. I can hardly stand being at work for three hours without my CDs to jam out to. With music being such an infinite idea (there is never an end to the arrangement of notes and words that can be made), I am amazed at the ability of musicians and artists to compose CDs in which every song relates perfectly to my life at one moment or another. I urge everyone to really listen to the music that is a part of their life and realize what a major factor it is.

Falling

I absolutely love the Fall for what it is...

Walking along in the sunshine as I kick up painted leaves

Wearing a jacket to protect from the first bites of cold

Afternoon drives up the canyons to watch the falling leaves

If only Fall did not lead into Winter...

THE Conversation

Talking with him (who shall remain nameless!) brings out such a grand array of emotions; too many thoughts and feelings to possibly deal with all at once. This discussion had been avoided for so long that I finally could not take it any longer and would not let the topic go until I had the answers I needed. Both he and I did not want to be in that situation, but I felt it would help in the long run; I truly hope and think it has. The answers I received, though not the ones I wanted or hoped for, they are exactly what I needed. Anything else would have made life much more complicated and confusing. Now I feel I can move on (not simply try and act like I have), leave him alone about this awkward topic, and just go back to having a great friend and someone I can talk to about anything. Even though life will never be the same as it once was, no matter what the outcome of this laborious, hour long talk had been, I really am praying that things will not be ruined and life will be just as grand as it ever has been.

Rainy Days

By all accounts, this was not one of the better days of my life. Not to rant, rave, or seek sympathy, I simply find it quite interesting my whole attitude about the current situation. After struggling through today (mainly getting to bed late last night and waking up early this morning, having my wallet stolen, doing quite poorly on a history test, having my +$100 calculator freeze, plus it is continuously raining) I feel I have good reason to not be in the best mood. Oddly enough though, I don't really care! Originally I was excited because I thought someone had been wonderful by returning my purse which I carelessly forgot it in the hall before going to class; that excitement turned into sadness then frustration when I realized my wallet was actually gone (car keys still inside my purse, mind you). I always thought something like having my wallet stolen would be a huge fiasco and all I would worry about is getting the money back. Instead, I have simply thought, what the heck, they can keep the money for all I care! I only ask for my driver's license, temple recommend (I was going to do baptisms again tonight, but that plan was foiled!), and any other forms of identification to be given back to me. Hopefully someone will decide to do the right thing and return it; that would make life purely great. Big thanks to my great friends, I was able to get out of the house and stop moping...I simply ended up falling asleep while with them. Who knew one day at school could be so draining!

Temple Trips

Tonight I had the opportunity of going to the Salt Lake Temple and doing baptisms for the dead with my ward's young women. As we walked around the temple before entering the baptistery (we didn't enter at the correct gate so we took the scenic route :D ) I was awe-struck with its majesty. The granite walls are such a site to behold! Walking closer to the gray walls I felt so small and unimportant in comparison. How the early pioneers were able to design and construct such a beautiful building simply surpasses my understanding. The carving in to the hard stone simply seems impossible to achieve with the technology of their time. Gazing up at the spires and the golden Angel Moroni I realized how blessed I am to have this symbol of my faith and testimony so close to my home. So many people travel for hours, even days to reach the nearest temple while there are eleven in Utah alone! How I could not find more time out of my week to travel the thirty minutes downtown and perform this service, I do not know, but I am determined to do better. Not only will I be able to bless the lives of others, but my own life with be blessed too. Just as the sister at the recommend desk said, "by being here you are on the way to making it to heaven," and in the process, others can join me. How wonderful life is!

Just a quick question, do those who I am baptized and confirmed for know who I am? Also, will I be able to meet them when I die? Any insight would be great to know.