Wednesday, February 28, 2007

"Set in order your houses"

For anyone who truly knows me, I suffer from chronic "messy room" syndrome. It is very easy to diagnose, but a million times harder to cure. There are times of recession when the disease seems to be cured, but add enough stress and the symptoms return very rapidly, many times worse than before. Recently, I struggled through a particularly virulent strain that lasted no matter what treatment I received. I always seemed to ignore the pressure from Mom to take my medicine, and still felt fine no matter where I went. But of all people, I did not expect my young women leader to be the one to administer the medicine needed to cure me, even just temporarily. Our lesson a few weeks back was on "Establishing a House of Order." To put it gently, my house is not generally a house of order, let alone my bed and bath rooms. Her lesson pricked my heart and I began wondering what my friends thought when ever they stopped by, if they were embarrassed as I was. Last weekend I decided to finally fill my prescription and start following what the doctor ordered. I believe it was in conjunction with my greater desire to get along with my mom, mainly doing what she asked, that I finally worked to clean my room. I gathered all the dirty clothes, washed, dried, and actually folded or hung them up. Personally, I was really impressed with that accomplishment simply because my clothes are normally scattered amongst my bed, floor, and anything else in my room. I found a home for the majority of my odds and ends, dusted, and even vacuumed. Do not forget washing my sheets and making my bed each morning for the past couple of days. As I get older and prepare to move out on my own, I am beginning to realize that I am not always going to have my own room to trash. Soon I will be living in dorms and eventually with my husband. I do not want to portray a messy image to anyone I am with, so I figured I better start now to develop my habits. So far I am doing great. Let's just hope it lasts!

For those of you who do not believe me (shame on you!), here is proof!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


I never realized the intensity of the things I keep to myself. My life is generally great and I do not have any huge problems that I need to deal with on a regular basis; probably my biggest dilemma is what shirt I am going to wear. There really is no reason for my to complain about my life: I have the best friends anyone could ask for, I get good grades, a car is always available for my use, I have a good paying job, and a wonderful family who loves me. Suddenly everything hit me last night, the problem being that I do not know what "everything" entitles. Last night was the first time I have really cried in months and it caught me completely off guard. Through my mom's questions and concern I tried my hardest to act like nothing was wrong for I truly felt like that. Suddenly I could not hold it--whatever "it" was--in any longer and the tears started falling from my eyes. What drives me insane about those tears is that each one was falling over something that I could not and still cannot do anything to change. My life is how it is supposed to be, but my mind never stops thinking about the many millions of "ifs" that surround me constantly. I am always wondering what my life would have been life, where I would be now IF I had been a little more this, IF I had done a little bit more of that, IF I will ever get my chance to do whatever it is that has filled my mind. My mom really helped me out last night as she told me something which I really need to apply to my life:

The past is over and done with and there is no chance of changing it so give it up.
The future is a mystery and it will come as it will, there is no need worrying about it.
Right now is a present and I need to be grateful for such a wonderful gift I have.

I am a bottle of Sprite, Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, Coke, etc. which has been shaken a few too many times and the pressure was released last night in a grand fountain!