Tuesday, February 06, 2007


I never realized the intensity of the things I keep to myself. My life is generally great and I do not have any huge problems that I need to deal with on a regular basis; probably my biggest dilemma is what shirt I am going to wear. There really is no reason for my to complain about my life: I have the best friends anyone could ask for, I get good grades, a car is always available for my use, I have a good paying job, and a wonderful family who loves me. Suddenly everything hit me last night, the problem being that I do not know what "everything" entitles. Last night was the first time I have really cried in months and it caught me completely off guard. Through my mom's questions and concern I tried my hardest to act like nothing was wrong for I truly felt like that. Suddenly I could not hold it--whatever "it" was--in any longer and the tears started falling from my eyes. What drives me insane about those tears is that each one was falling over something that I could not and still cannot do anything to change. My life is how it is supposed to be, but my mind never stops thinking about the many millions of "ifs" that surround me constantly. I am always wondering what my life would have been life, where I would be now IF I had been a little more this, IF I had done a little bit more of that, IF I will ever get my chance to do whatever it is that has filled my mind. My mom really helped me out last night as she told me something which I really need to apply to my life:

The past is over and done with and there is no chance of changing it so give it up.
The future is a mystery and it will come as it will, there is no need worrying about it.
Right now is a present and I need to be grateful for such a wonderful gift I have.

I am a bottle of Sprite, Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, Coke, etc. which has been shaken a few too many times and the pressure was released last night in a grand fountain!


Lincoln, Caroline, Matthew, Scott, and ? said...

I'm with ya on the bottle analogy. You're so lucky to have your mom there for you, not everyone can say that, especially in high school. You're the best X.

crisco said...

You be amazed how similar i feel, but i blew up so big i had to leave school; it took me leaving to California for a week for me to realize i'll be okay

Lane & Carolyn said...

Yesterday is history-
Tomorrow is a mystery-
But today is a gift...
That's while it's called the present.
Sounds like great advice from your wonderful mother. Always stay close to her. There will never be a time when you will not need each other.
(did you take the sprite photo?)