Sunday: Day of Rest

Yet why was I so incredibly busy today!? I feel like I have been running at a million miles per hour since 7 this morning! First meeting I attended this morning was for my best friend Sean Lund. It was his farewell as he prepares to serve a mission in Sao Paulo, Brasil- Interlagos Mission. (Boys, I need your help learning Portuguese so I can conspire against the girls with the other guys speaking Portuguese!) He reports to the Missionary Training Center in Brasil on May 30th, making it so he flies out on Tuesday. Not only is Sean leaving, but Spencer as well. He departs on this Wednesday (23rd) and is going to the Georgia, Macon mission. I am so excited for these two as well as all of my other boys that will be leaving by the end of the summer. Don't forget about the ones who are already out serving as well, they get my love too! But immediately following Sean's farewell (combined with the farewells of two other missionaries as well!) and a quick open house at his home, I rushed home to make it to my meetings at 1 o'clock. Sadly, I had to miss my Youth Conference planning meeting this morning as well as BYC....whoops...I have failed to mention that I have been set apart as the Laurel class president, my bad! The graduating Laurels were invited to attend Relief Society for the "Newly Grad Game" so the older members could get to know us. Later, in sacrament meeting, I was presented with my Young Women's Recognition medallion so that was pretty exciting. After and hour dinner, I rushed back down to the stake center to attend seminary graduation. Now I actually have a chance to relax, in which Randi and I decided a much needed dessert has been missing from our life for the past several months. A call was made to our favorite father in New York, received a couple tips, and are about to make a batch of TAPIOCA! (neener, neener, neener! :D) But yes, that is my day, restful and relaxing, yet extremely busy at the same time. Only two more weeks of school left, yippee!!

P.S. Prom was last week, and a report will follow...it was fun to say the least!

Welcome back

I am ashamed that it has been so long since my last post, but to plead my case I was focusing on my three AP classes and the tests in May. How wonderful it feels to have those four-hour tests off my chest, mind, shoulders, and every other part of me. Finally I am able to breathe and enjoy the wonderful weather that has graced Salt Lake. At times it is very hot (especially as I leave school and get into my car) but I am not one known to often complain about the heat. What makes the days even more wonderful (after I get off work at 5:30 working at Poulton Associates, Inc.) is that all of my friends who graduated last year are home from school or aren't working anymore. Despite mom believing that the weeknights are still school nights (trust me, they aren't any longer) I have somehow managed to find some time each night to go spend with my friends. One of the perfect opportunities are the Jazz games that have become regular activities for so many Utahns, and we have taken full advantage of the game time. Another activity that I am so excited to have started once again is playing at the park. So what if 'playing' right now consists of laying on the grass with an occasional grass fight here and there, it is time with my friends and I love it! But the coming of summer brings a pain along with the freedom from school: my mishies are starting to leave one by one. So far four of my boys have already departed, half now serving out in the field. Two more are set to leave by the end of May. Spencer and Sean, the two guys I care about the most right now are the next in line and it is slowly eating me alive. There is nothing else in this world that I would have for them here and now than to devote two years and serve the Lord. But at the same time, I don't know what I am going to do without them here to talk to, joke around with and make temple runs at 5:30 in the morning to do baptisms for the dead. This afternoon was especially hard for me as every moment of the day I struggled to keep myself from crying. Luckily, by the time that Institute rolled around I had managed a nap during lunch and was ready to find some answers or at least comfort in the scriptures. Yay for me, I found it (somewhat by accident, but I think it was inspiration) in John 16: 20 & 22...

20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.
22 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

I read these scriptures to a few of my friends and I felt kinda dumb, but they really helped me in my time of need. My mishies are going and I love them to death! Many of the posts from here on out will most likely be based around them, so please bear with me.

"Set in order your houses"

For anyone who truly knows me, I suffer from chronic "messy room" syndrome. It is very easy to diagnose, but a million times harder to cure. There are times of recession when the disease seems to be cured, but add enough stress and the symptoms return very rapidly, many times worse than before. Recently, I struggled through a particularly virulent strain that lasted no matter what treatment I received. I always seemed to ignore the pressure from Mom to take my medicine, and still felt fine no matter where I went. But of all people, I did not expect my young women leader to be the one to administer the medicine needed to cure me, even just temporarily. Our lesson a few weeks back was on "Establishing a House of Order." To put it gently, my house is not generally a house of order, let alone my bed and bath rooms. Her lesson pricked my heart and I began wondering what my friends thought when ever they stopped by, if they were embarrassed as I was. Last weekend I decided to finally fill my prescription and start following what the doctor ordered. I believe it was in conjunction with my greater desire to get along with my mom, mainly doing what she asked, that I finally worked to clean my room. I gathered all the dirty clothes, washed, dried, and actually folded or hung them up. Personally, I was really impressed with that accomplishment simply because my clothes are normally scattered amongst my bed, floor, and anything else in my room. I found a home for the majority of my odds and ends, dusted, and even vacuumed. Do not forget washing my sheets and making my bed each morning for the past couple of days. As I get older and prepare to move out on my own, I am beginning to realize that I am not always going to have my own room to trash. Soon I will be living in dorms and eventually with my husband. I do not want to portray a messy image to anyone I am with, so I figured I better start now to develop my habits. So far I am doing great. Let's just hope it lasts!

For those of you who do not believe me (shame on you!), here is proof!

Bottles

I never realized the intensity of the things I keep to myself. My life is generally great and I do not have any huge problems that I need to deal with on a regular basis; probably my biggest dilemma is what shirt I am going to wear. There really is no reason for my to complain about my life: I have the best friends anyone could ask for, I get good grades, a car is always available for my use, I have a good paying job, and a wonderful family who loves me. Suddenly everything hit me last night, the problem being that I do not know what "everything" entitles. Last night was the first time I have really cried in months and it caught me completely off guard. Through my mom's questions and concern I tried my hardest to act like nothing was wrong for I truly felt like that. Suddenly I could not hold it--whatever "it" was--in any longer and the tears started falling from my eyes. What drives me insane about those tears is that each one was falling over something that I could not and still cannot do anything to change. My life is how it is supposed to be, but my mind never stops thinking about the many millions of "ifs" that surround me constantly. I am always wondering what my life would have been life, where I would be now IF I had been a little more this, IF I had done a little bit more of that, IF I will ever get my chance to do whatever it is that has filled my mind. My mom really helped me out last night as she told me something which I really need to apply to my life:

The past is over and done with and there is no chance of changing it so give it up.
The future is a mystery and it will come as it will, there is no need worrying about it.
Right now is a present and I need to be grateful for such a wonderful gift I have.

I am a bottle of Sprite, Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, Coke, etc. which has been shaken a few too many times and the pressure was released last night in a grand fountain!

Basketball

The past couple days have brought back many of my fond memories. Sports are a big part of my life, playing or watching. Volleyball through Olympus Junior and at the high school until this past year has been such a wonderful learning experience as I worked with my team mates to become better at the game I love. Basketball was another story though. As I attended Sean's ward ball game (with my ward none-the-less) a feeling started coming back to me that had been missing. Then later that night I played in my own ward ball game and the competitiveness of my sophomore year playing basketball engulfed me. Guarding the point, jumping for a steal, making a fast break (but missing the shot!), and all the other memorable aspects of the game made me miss it so much. That winter I was not very dedicated. I told myself the game was everything, making that shot and helping the team out was so important. But if it was as I called it, then why did I quit? I love playing, I love the competition and the aggravation of pushing myself to the limit, sprinting the next quad through my burning lungs so I could be that much faster during the game. As I watched the girls I played with two years ago in their game Friday night (they sadly lost) I was ready to bound onto the court, lace up my shoes and starting shooting all over again.

I guess the whole point of this entry is to help everyone to stick to what they want. I would have loved to keep playing, feel the thrill of a game once more, but I gave up on that dream. I told myself I couldn't do it, that I wouldn't have the time or the energy to make it through another year. Looking back I see that I could have made it, and I wish I had.

Happiness

This excitement that has over come me completely caught me off guard, yet it has caught me, and caught me soundly. The times when I cannot get a smile off of my face are the ones that make me even more happy; simply the act of trying to not show my teeth raise how excited I am and eventually cause me burst. For so long I believe this moment would not come again for several years. OH how I was wrong! I have never been so glad to be wrong and admit my wrongness in my entire life. When my entire body is shaking from excitement and anticipation, I know something special is going on....if only I knew how it would all turn out in the end! AHHHH!! YAY!



It turns out that I wrote that a couple weeks ago, and I am happy to announce that things have worked out for me and I can't be happier right now. I LIKE HIM!

Ditzyness

I don't think that there can be anything more frustrating than what I just experienced. Totally and completely engrossed in Season Four of Smallville, I continued to watch the episodes where I had last left off. Events in this disc were confusing me as I had not seen anything leading up to that point prior. Having just finished the last episode on the disc, I saunter out into the kitchen to retrieve the next one. As I am flipping through the little booklet which accompanied the discs, I noticed four episodes totally foreign to me. Yah, I skipped an entire disc and had no idea. That will explain why Lionel is out of prison and Chloe suddenly hints about Clark's powers. I simply attribute this moment of ditzyness to my hair color and the million other things happening in my life.

The Yardstick

"One good yardstick as to whether as person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?"

—Ezra Taft Benson



I sure hope that I am girl, lady, woman, who promotes such actions in a boy, gentleman, man.



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Missionaries

Today was the last day for two years. Two years, 24 months, 730 days, 17,520 hours, 1,051,200 minutes, or 63,072,000 seconds that my parents are gone. My only correspondence with them will consist of letters, emails, and occasional phone calls to keep them in touch with my busy life as a senior in high school. They are leaving to serve the Lord in the New York, New York North, Public Affairs mission as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am so happy for this opportunity they have to serve. This moment is bittersweet though I as I contemplate the family events they will miss and the void that their absence will create in my life. For seven years Dad and Carolyn had traveled from Florida to Arkansas then back to Florida while I tarried in Utah with my mom and a majority of my siblings. When they finally returned to live in Salt Lake I could never had been more excited; I was finally going to have that father-figure in my life that had not been physically there when I was growing up. Now as I have to give them up again to the wonderful people in New York, I feel selfish and want to keep them all to myself, at least until I am graduated and living more on my own. I do not write this in anyway to worry them or any of my family, but I cannot keep these emotions in while I suffer through the drama of high school. Because of their willingness to serve, I know that I also will be blessed as well as my entire family. How wonderful that will be to notice things in my life and be able to attibute them to the mercies of the Lord. So many missionaries leaving ranging from my parents to Jeremy, Jason, Josh, Sean, Cody, Curtis, Andrew, Jon, Spencer, Pettit, Jess and so many more that I cannot even begin to start naming. They all mean the world to me and I am so proud of the choices they have made that have brought them to this spot. I love you all!

Friends

This weekend has been anticipated for several weeks now, and not simply for the opportunity to gorge myself on turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. Even though Thursday was an enjoyable time with family and food, my family of friends were my focus this weekend. Monday and Tuesday killed me as I waited and waited to hear from Jess, Andrew, Squeaks, Jon, Tiffany, Amanda, Erin, Jeremy, Lindsey, Annie....pretty much all of my friends who have ventured off to the not so far away lands of Utah State University and Snow College. Wednesday night rolled around and I did not expect to be doing anything more exciting than watching my favorite Smallville Trio, believing that night would be occupied by family matters. That all changed when Abby called pleading for me to figure something out for that night; 'reluctantly' I called up Jess to see what he wanted to do. Bowling sounded like a great idea so we called up Cody and Amanda and asked if they wanted to join us. Low and behold, we did not end up with four friends at Brasstons Family Bowling, but nineteen! What a great night that was as we laughed, joked and hugged a lot. Not too much happened on Friday night; a few gathered at Kristy D.'s house to simply relax and catch up on each others' lives. Saturday was the biggest day of them all where almost every waking moment was spent in the presence of my buddies. Beginning at nine o'clock in the morning we played an exciting game of football complete with a couple bloody noses, a search line for Erin's lost key, and a car jacked up. Following a thrill filled morning was a thrill filled afternoon as we gathered at Sean's home for the intense rivalry game between Brigham Young University and the University of Utah. Although far outnumbered by the Cougar fans, the Utes had a fair representation as friends (yet foes) sat amongst each other eating chips and owed ice cream while screaming for their favored team. I have never seen so much chaos and frustration as was present at the conclusion of that Holy War. Admittingly, I am saddened by the outcome, but I cannot deny how great the game really was and the talent presented from both teams. Only after a feast of Cafe Rio, a whacked game of "Bump, Set, Spike," followed by several games on variations of pool and 'teaching' others the frustrations of Mao, the night was over. Steady contact with my friends from 9 o'clock in the morning to 11:30 at night makes for the best day in a long time. To top it all off, things just worked with people and my overall situation with one in particular greatly improved leaving me fighting back tears of joy. Thanks everyone for all you do and I love you!! I cannot wait for Christmas to come!